Assessing Solas
by MidnightAshley
Summary: Blackwall and Sera decide what type of man Solas is... Puns ensue. Short one-shot, no plot, just humor.


The drapes in the Summer Bazaar gently waved as a breeze swept through the market. Solas welcomed the fresh air and cool wind as a small reprieve from the heat. For winter Val Royeaux was unusually warm this year. As thrilling as that was to the nobles who ran about attempting to purchase summer fashions in winter, the Inquisitor and her companions were still dressed for cold mountain weather. The Inquisitor had finished her business in Val Royeaux but still planned on shopping before they left. She left her friends to sit and relax while she perused the merchants' goods for what armor and the like.

Thus Solas was stuck, sitting and waiting with Blackwall and Sera. He took the time to watch the marketplace and its nobles, reminiscing on how similar and yet different it was from times past. Occasionally he would watch the inquisitor move amongst the merchants. He enjoyed watching her move about but he also felt guilty for doing so. She was unlike anything he had anticipated; she was kind, wise, and so different from the people he knew to be ignorant and childish. He wanted her and that frightened him. After their kiss in the fade he had withdrawn to distance himself from her, to let his senses return, to avoid any inclination to indulge in her from entering his mind. Still, at quiet times like this with little to distract him he found his thoughts returning to her. He wondered how she would feel if she knew who he actually was, what he had done, what he planned to do...

Sera and Blackwall had been chattering with vigor in the background, and although he did his best to ignore them Solas could not tune out Sera's guffaws. He glared in annoyance at them for distracting him from his thoughts. Blackwall stared at him with an unnerving smile while Sera tried and failed to hold her laughter at bay.

Solas was torn between curiosity and caution, leaning toward the former after their last conversation about him having affairs with spirits. Truly, he was slightly impressed; together their talent for idiocy knew no bounds. He was about to turn away, caution winning over curiosity, when Blackwall spoke.

"We were talking about you, you know," Blackwall said, still smiling.

"Indeed… Nothing good I would wager," Solas responded, narrowing his eyes at Sera.

"Don't be like that, we were just discussing what sort of man you are."

Solas chuckled and turned towards them, smirking. "Truly? I can only imagine what idea of man Sera thinks I am… What do you believe me to be?"

"We think you're an ass man," Blackwall stated, causing Sera to go into fits of laughter again.

"Shite, his face! Look at it!" The smirk had fallen from Solas' face to be replaced with a glower as he once again regretted indulging them. "_Children_," he thought to himself.

Sera snickered. "But I said he was an arse, not the same is it?" Sera snickered. "But I guess it takes an arse to love an arse!" She cackled with Blackwall's boisterous laughter joining hers.

Solas risked a glance at the Inquisitor to see if she was near. The last thing he needed was her to overhear or, worse, join in on this stupidity. Luckily the Inquisitor was far enough to not hear them or at least was too distracted talking to the merchant to hear them.

"See? Even now he's looking at our Inquisitor's lovely behind!" Blackwall pointed at him.

Solas snapped his eyes back at them, letting his frown deepen as he tried to hide his faint blush.

Sera added, "Y'know I noticed he likes watchin' her inquizziness walk… Shite I bet he's thinking about her arse right now! He's all red even, lookit!"

Solas tried regain his composure. "I-… No. Never. It's just the heat. I would never compromise our inquisitor's integr-"

"Shut it. I betcha thought of all sortsa ways to _compromise_ her o'er that table."

"Seems like an accurate _ass_essment," Blackwall chimed in.

Blackwall and Sera continued to laugh as Solas tried to think of the best response to silence them both, one that did not resort to him freezing them both to the spot. As tempting as the idea was he doubted the guards would look kindly on an apostate elf using magic so freely in the middle of Val Royeaux.

"Aw, he looks like when he's drinkin' tea. Maybe he doesn't get the _butt_ of the joke?" Sera said between laughs.

"I bet he'd rather we put this _behind_ us," Blackwall tried to comment sternly before laughing again.

"You are both being _asinine_," Solas seethed.

"_Ass o' nine_? Talking about her inquisitorial's ass again?" Sera said, gesturing with her head towards the Inquisitor. "Should give her least a ten, since you think 'bout it so much."

Blackwall tried to shush Sera as the Inquisitor returned, stuffing her latest purchases into a rucksack.

The Inquisitor glanced up at the three of them: Blackwall trying to act bored, Sera biting her lips to stop laughing, and Solas' glaring at both of them.

The Inquisitor narrowed her eyes in suspicion. She had reservations about leaving them alone together and now with how they were acting… "Do I even want to know?"

Blackwall shrugged. "Just talking about the Inquisition's _assets_."

Sera broke into tears of laughter. She snorted and then laughed harder still.

Solas sighed. "If you can't beat them…" He smiled at the Inquisitor. "Ignore them, lethallin. They succeed only in making _asses_ of themselves."

"I… I can't… can't breathe!" Sera said as clutched her sides, eyes brimming with tears, face red.

The Inquisitor shook her head. "Remind me to never bring you three anywhere ever again. Especially together… _Ever_." She sighed and wiped her brow of sweat. "Let's get out of the heat, Sera looks like she needs to cool down before she passes out."

* * *

I posted this on Archive of Our Own first a while ago but thought I'd post it here too. This story is the fault of Tumblr and their reminders of Solas obsession with Lavellan's butt. I couldn't resist.  
Please review!


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